Trick or Treat

I know I just rolled my eyes at Halloween in my last post but here I am all heart eyes about toddlers + trick or treating. This was the first year E really got it, and it oh so glorious.

Pictures from the Trunk or Treat

I sent some photos to my friend Leah and she mentioned that Emerson looked so composed and grown up. And it's true. A far cry from the kitty cat she was last year and the minion she was the year before that. It makes me pause to cherish little Landon and each stage he comes to rest in that much more. 

When he's older and gets mad at me for making him Gus Gus, I'll be sure to remind him that, while it may have been my idea, it was grandma who made it come to life.  

Just kidding!

Well, that time of year has arrived. When my Truman Show neighborhood turns into Nightmare on Elm Street. Seriously, there are already two blow up headless bone horsemen riding their evil animals, an untold number of skills, ghosts, lighting effects, and, new this year, projected dead man walking videos in house windows. -_-

Call our house halloween boring if you may but my mind has already moved on to wrapping itself around the holiday logistics and it is getting HECTIC up in that noggin! This weekend was so free (i.e. USC bye week) and so wonderful. Last one until mid January for us. We soaked it up.

It was so good, in fact, that my girl fell asleep on me today. She hasn't done that since she was maybe three months old? Mama bliss.

Keep it safe out there folks.

Before 4-0

The other night while on a date (oh yes, those are now back on the table baby :p) Josh asked me if there was anything I'd like to do before I turn 40. (Yes, the number 4-0 is now in our conversation. Awful. And so so old.) I had to think about it because the To-Do list you have for yourself before kids is so different to what you wish for after they come and invade (slash conquer) your life.

Before kids I would have said travel, so much money in the bank, and career position probably. But we can't travel the world with kids now and also they eat up all that money in the bank since my career is on hold. lol

I have three post children things I'd like to see happen before I turn the dreaded 4-0. 

1. I want to get back down to my pre baby's weight. Asking too much? Maybe. Maybe not. 

2. I want to go on a family mission trip.

3. I want to be heavily involved in a church community. 

Your goals before your next decade?

While you think on it I'll shamelessly regale you with ridiculously adorable photos of my children at the pumpkin patch. SHAMELESS.

I'll Take The Saggy Boobs.

Is anyone else having trouble with blogger's app on the new IOS? -_-

I turned 35 last week and boy do I ever feel 35.

This is not one of those years where I feel significantly younger than my actual age. In fact, I could argue that, physically, I am probably closer to 40. GUYS, IT'S UNBELIEVABLE I never thought it would happen to me but this year my body decided it was time to start heading downhill. Varicose veins, sun spots, an alarming amount of white hair, and the ultimate dread, WEIGHT GAIN. Now that I've started the downward spiral, I will tell all of you youngins that it is absolutely as bad as you think it is. And no, I have nothing against tummy tucks. Face lifts, skin treatments, nose jobs, WHATEVER. And if you happen to see me one day and you have to do a double take, let's just hope the result is more Jane Fonda than Renee Zellweger.

Beyond the physical discrepancies, this birth year really took me on a wild spin. Landon was born and threw my perfectly coordinated life into a tailspin. Besides the typical 4th trimester haze, at times more often than not, I found myself filled with anxiety and overwhelmed by even the simplest of tasks. I thought it would dissipate once I passed the 6 week healing time for the c-section, but it didn't. Small tasks felt larger than life. I felt like I was failing as a mother to Emerson, a mother to Landon, and as a wife to Josh. I could not pull myself together. Some nights I would just cry myself to sleep wondering if I would ever get out of this tornado I felt like I was in. Nothing I was doing was good enough. I was so overwhelmed I was paralyzed.

Post pardum? Isolation? Lack of Exercise? Reality of having two under two? Maybe none and maybe all of it.

When Landon turned 7 months I got my period. That was strange because I was taking a birth control where you weren't supposed to get a period, so I stopped taking the pill. A few days later I noticed I wasn't feeling as crazy. A day after that I felt almost normal again. A week later and I still hadn't experienced those extreme highs and low's. And now, two months later, I haven't gone back down that rabbit hole. Sure, I still am exhausted and feel like I could do more here or work on that over there, but the emotions are a 2 on a scale of 1-10, not a 10. What a relief.

Look, my hormones do not need a Red Bull. They are perfectly capable on their own.

So despite all of the physical changes, I'm just so glad than I'm emotionally back to my old self, which for the sake of my family, is much more important than saggy boobs. (I can hear Josh nodding emphatically, can't you?)

So I begin 35 enjoying my children, laughing with my husband,  thinking of the future, and once again sure footed.