I'm baaaack.

Something significant took place a few weeks ago, Landon stopped nursing. He and I were truly on a journey together and it coming to a close is bittersweet. I didn't have the same experience with Emerson since I struggled to produce enough milk with her and stopped nursing altogether after three months. But my boobs really came through for me the second time around. lol.

There was such a significant difference between E on formula and Landon nursing. With E, I always knew exactly how much she was drinking and she was on a schedule, had a bottle the same times every day. Nursing was more of an intuitive situation which made it much less predictable but also Landon was my person because he was attached to my hip so I think we bonded in that way.

To tell you the truth, I kinda feel like a free woman. Josh made me a real latte the other day and I was so wired after a few sips that I had a hard time breathing. Caffeine is a game changer! Also, give me all the meds! And the most exciting part is Landon goes to sleep now on his own, which opens up a world of possibilities. Two weeks ago Josh and I attended a wedding that started at 3pm, and we DIDN'T HAVE TO COME HOME TO PUT LANDON DOWN. Oh the freedom! You should have seen me, I was quite the embarrassment dancing like a looney and really partying it up.

My brother in law, who has said that I have become a bore since the kids have entered the equation, announced that I have returned. lol.

But yes, in a way I do feel like I'm baaaaack. ;)

Jichan

Josh's grandpa, Jichan, went to be with the Lord last week. Although in his 90's and regaled with the normal health problems that age brings, he seemed to be doing alright so we were somewhat shocked and certainly saddened to say the least.

There are many, many stories about Jichan because he was such a vibrant, full of life, guy. But while the thought of him does bring a smile and a chuckle to your face, it was really his kindness that I will remember. He was loud and to the point but he always came from a place of love. He was also the first person who truly made me feel welcomed in Josh's family. 

I do have some funny stories about him too. Of course. 

He and Bachan came to know the Lord later in life, in one of the most miraculous stories I will save for another time. They began attending the same church I attended and soon it was a weekly thing to walk up and see them with the seniors, chatting and eating. We would hug and catch up. 

One Sunday, I could tell he was looking for me and when he saw me he made a beeline for me. I wondered what the urgency was. He asked me, in his not so quiet voice, "has that grandson of mine put a ring on your finger yet?!" and I laughed and said, no. And he replied, "Well, he'd better get to it, otherwise I'm going to take a hammer and hit him over the head! Knock some sense into that kid." lol 

At our wedding rehearsal lunch, people were making speeches and Jichan stood up and was basically saying he was excited to have me in the family, despite the fact that I was only half Japanese. He cited that in their family they have a Jewish person, and said in awe, "and believe it or not, we even have a full Filipino!" He went right on talking his merry way and didn't realize that seated right next to him was my bridesmaids boyfriend, who was 100% Filipino. 

He was good with his hands and was the type to tinker with something until he figured it out. He was also a hard worker, after the internment camps he started a plumbing business that his son still runs today. I can remember him telling me that the key to taking care of customers was being respectful. He said he used to take of his shoes at each job to show the people that he cared. 

I will remember going on fishing trips with him and eating good food.

When we called him to tell him that I was pregnant the second time his first question was, "do you know what it is?" and when Josh told him we were having a boy he could not contain his excitement. "Oh that's great news!" "Wonderful, Josh!" And I can see Jichan in my son. They share the same posture and something around their lips is the same. I hope Landon inherits Jichan's kindness, work ethic, and care of family.

He is cherished and will be missed.

There is so much going on over here. Some of which I can't wait to share with you, but for now, here's a peak at our present state of mind.

My kids picked up a bug and first E went down with fever for 4 days followed by a terrible cough and head cold and then little L got it. E was fine after the fever disappeared despite being under the weather but this little guy can't shake the need even though the fever part has past. Last week if he wasn't touching me, we were in total meltdown mode. Send help! lol.

We are so close to being healthy...so close and yet so far. lol. Hope your household is healthy and happy! 

She's 3

Today my firstborn turned 3. We can hardly believe it. We had a small Daniel Tiger themed get together on Saturday at our house. It was low key and fun.

Emerson is so much fun. She enjoys life and loves to laugh and play. She is imaginative, smart, animated, sensitive, active, focused, matter of fact, sometimes bossy, and very good at connecting and remembering things. Someone recently told me she was vivacious.

As she heads into her third year my prayer is that she grows to know the all encompassing love that our Father has for her, which in turn strengthens her character and her heart.

Grandma

A lot has happened in the time since my last post, including the passing of my grandma. While I do not wish to pass over it, I can't seem to get myself to tell you about it; too many emotions, too many memories, too much to say and feel. In presenting her I want to do it right but feel wholly inadequate to the task of portraying who she was and painting an accurate picture of the importance of her life, with just my words.

And yet, I am bound to an inner responsibility to not move forward until I have done so, hence the silence. At her funeral last week all of her grandchildren shared. We each spoke on something different. I hesitate to share what I said because it is only a partial picture of her but it is all I can do for now.

A few weeks ago in church my dad shared that oftentimes when he was preaching he'd glance over to where his mom was sitting and she'd have her hands cupped behind her ears. Her not-so subtle way of telling him to speak up. 

I tried to console him later by telling him whenever I'd lead worship, I'd glance over at grandma and instead of cupping her ears to tell me to sing louder, she was always covering her ears in her not-so subtle way to tell me to turn it down. 

I joke at her antics but the truth is she really did love to sing and worship God. She never needed a hymn book, no matter how obscure the song, or how many verses deep we went; and sitting next to her, with both of our hands raised in worship is a treasure I'll hold dear to my heart. 

When I was little, we used to pile into the car and drive down to Anaheim for our annual Miyabe Christmas or Fourth of July at Grandma's house. When we'd reach the beginning of their block, my sister and I would slowly start to chant their street name, "kenddor dddrrive" and then we'd build it up faster and louder till finally, when we reach their house, we'd shout, Kendor Drive! then pile out of the car, excited to play with grandma's trinkets, or if we were really lucky, she'd take us to the back room where she kept all her omiyage gifts, and she'd let us pick one. Oh the joy! 

Recently someone characterized Grandma as a homemaker and Grandpa quietly corrected them and said she was a Ministers Wife. Even when we were putting together the slideshow for today, we noticed that the majority of Grandmas' photos were of her with grandpa at one church function or another. They were rarely apart all those years. And how could they be? Grandma didn't drive. But that was how it was. One always came with the other. Grandma's life was often characterized by what Grandpa was doing. Grandpa once wrote about grandma in the senior bulletin at church, in it he said, "Marian was invaluable to my work." In essence, Gma was invaluable to Gpa. Not just in his work but in life. 

Grandma was also full of little tid bits of wisdom. One time, rather recently, I was nursing my son, Landon, and she happened to walk into the room. After carrying on a casual conversation she said, "nursing can be so limiting sometimes" and as she turned to leave, and with a twinkle in her eye, she continued, "but it can also get you out of things." And then she turned around and walked out. As any young mother knows, that statement is so true!

My husband, Josh, and I hosted our latest Miyabe Christmas at our home in Valencia. By this point, Grandma was still physically able to get around but her memory had started to fade. We had a wonderful time together and when we ended it was late on a Saturday night and grandpa and grandma still had quite a drive home. When they were getting ready to leave I asked Grandma if she would make it to church the next morning. She gave me one of her 'looks' and said with all clarity "of course I'll be there Julianna. You never miss church." Such a simple statement but one that so defined her. She was dedicated. Even when her memory was fading, her dedication to God and her faith never wavered. As long as I've known her, Grandma has been faithful. If I ever grumbled about something to her or shared a worry of mine, her response would always be simple but resolute. "Trust in the Lord" or "God is faithful." 

The most important aspect of grandma was not who she was, but what this family is because of her. She, alongside grandpa, left us a legacy of faith. I don't think it's a mere coincidence that their three children and all of their grand children and their families, know and follow God. 

It is a real privilege to be an heir to this legacy of faith. Grandma, this next generation is doing our best to keep this legacy going, by God's grace. 

What I will remember most about Grandma was her posture before Christ.

Grandma, I will see you again. Can't wait to sing songs of praise to Jesus together one day.