Church Community

Can I take a momentary break from Abby for a second? ha

As you know, I've been working at the church for the last three months. I had felt the holy nudge telling me to spread my tent wider and to dig my tent pegs deeper into the ground. So I did. I dug into the Word and I began serving at the church and here's what I've found.

There is so much glory to be discovered when we commit to God's work. So much unexpected. Unknown.

I've seen prayers for my family answered that I have been shooting up to God for years.
I've been entrusted by God and given the highest responsibility of people seeking my help and the chance to speak into people's lives.
New ministries have been birthed.
New relationships with people have been put in my path.

The last three months God has orchestrated around me a beautiful community. Something I may have sought previously for all the wrong reasons but unexpectedly has now been put in my path. And I do not say this with any sort of self boasting but in truth and in complete humility. It has been just the most amazing thing!

And while I am enamored with the beauty of the church now, I can hear the negative voices of the church too. A sound I'm all too familiar with for I was once that person. Complaining about this or that. "Not getting anything out of it" "the worship wasn't good" "that was distracting" "we should go look around" And here's an excerpt from Living Into Community by Christine D. Pohl that summed up my own thoughts on that so well.

Gratitude and ingratitude are closely tied to what we notice, and once we start focusing on flaws in a community they quickly dominate our attention. There are always things about a community or congregation that will disappoint us, and because our expectations for the church are high, disappointment and frustration can run very deep. 

Beneath the critique and complaint, is there also an ingratitude for the congregation and its pastors? Is the church member's dissatisfaction rooted in a lack of recognition of God's faithfulness in times of difficulty and weariness?... Or, as is often the case, is the disasstifcation a mixture of truth and ingratitude, concern, and irresponsibility? Is eagerness to visit other communities an expression of real interest in getting congregational life right, or is it a reflection of a consumer mindset that is always looking for a better deal? 

We think we dare not be satisfied with the small measure of spiritual knowledge, experience, and love that has been given to us and that we must constantly be looking forward eagerly to the highest good...We pray for the big things and forget to give thanks for the ordinary, small (and yet not really small) gifts. How can God entrust great things to one who will not thankfully receive from Him the little things? If we do not give thanks daily for the Christian fellowship which we have been placed, even where there is no great experience, no discoverable riches, but much weakness, small faith, and difficulty; if on the contrary, we only keep complaining to God that everything is so paltry and petty, so far from what we expected, then we hinder God from letting our fellowship grow according to the measure and riches which are there for us all in Jesus Christ.

I can only imagine if this advice were headed by even a fraction of the local church - the effects could be revolutionary. How many times have I wished I were somewhere else where God was REALLY moving? How many times have I longed to be in a more beautiful place and abandon the urban neighborhood where I live? How many times have I fantasized about the perfect fellowship where everyone got along like a perfect family. What this boils down to is spiritual pornography...creating a mental fantasy of a perfect place or people and not recognizing the good things all around me. This spiritual porn is my nemesis, it's poison. Thankfully the antidote is available and accessible: equal parts of gratitude and affirmation. 

Are you like, "oh, snap!" like I was?

Let this be recalibration for you if it was. Dig those tent pegs in deeper. Spread your tent wider. God is waiting.

11 Months

A few weeks ago Abby started biting me while nursing. Then a week ago she began to flat out refuse to nurse. It's like she woke up and decided she was done with that and so we are done with that.

I really wasn't prepared for it. Landon was a slow and predictable weening process and E was on formula so just a reminder that no two (or three!) kids are alike. Here I am wondering if I'm sad about it ending or happy? I've already taken Excedrin for a headache, ate spicy miso ramen, and have been drinking alll the caffeine since.

But also, my last baby. Indulge me.

Goodness, one year coming up. 

Winter Break

Today was our last day of winter break. Some highlights in picture form.

It was a good break. The weeks up to Christmas were so so busy and then the day after it wasn't. Oh this past week or so has been good for my soul - we've played games, didn't set our alarms, let the kids stay in their pj's, went to museums, ate out, purged the closets, organized the attic, put away Christmas. 

I'm normally overwhelmed with Christmas but with a baby and a job this year I truly wasn't sure I could do it. But Josh, who has held me up day after day and year after year, saw the writing on the wall and took off every day the kids were on break and also took care of almost all of our Christmas presents (sorry for all the gift cards everyone!). I also did not bring one food item to any gathering and had someone come and clean the house. 

Josh gave me the room to serve God by serving others this Christmas. What a gift! 

2020

Midway through 2019 God decided to pivot our family. I had heard a message by Christine Caine urging people of the church to spread our tents wider and dig our tent pegs in deeper. I started looking, anticipating that God had something for me in this. Then summer rolled around and at the last minute I decided to take my kids to family camp. Then He spoke very clearly to me during one message at camp. Get into the Word. Devote yourself to me every day and I will direct you.

I came home and began reading the bible in an intentional and consistent way and, low and behold, it was exciting! I learned that the Word of God is alive. I learned how the Holy Spirit speaks very specifically to you when you read it. You can read the same passage two days in a row and one day you learn one thing and the next day something entirely different.  I began to lift my outstretched hands to Him and pray that He would use me. 

A few weeks later someone from church asked if I'd be interested in leading worship. We'd just lost our worship director to a big gig. I don't even play an instrument but Josh encouraged me to do it. The church wanted three months. I said yes. 

Life has changed since I began ministering in this capacity. While it hasn't always been easy, God has been moving and touching lives and really touching my life. God has put in my life new people to minister to and encourage. He has brought me my own army of encouragers. The body of Christ is truly beautiful guys. The community that we live in, it is messy and inefficient but oh so lovely. I'm getting a taste of heaven - to bear with one another, love another, take care of one another, rebuke in love, forgive each other, hold each other up. I can only say it is the deepest and most meaningful thing - and above all, authentic. Oh that's my favorite thing about it all, the authenticity pouring from our church. 

I've seen healing and growth, been privy to extraordinary giving and care, the recipient of forgiveness and have also lathered on my own forgiveness. This is where the rubber meets the road. The small ways that I lead the church in, I am held accountable for by this great cloud of witnesses and it spurs me on. 

Some Trueism's I've Learned This Year 
- God's promises and laws do not conflict. If He calls you to something, your life will be better for it.
- The Bible is alive, God breathed, and directed by the Holy Spirit.
- A black dot on a white piece of paper. All you can see is that black dot but, in truth, there is a ton of white all around it. There is plenty of time to put God first.
- We are made to do holy and hard things - because there is no other way to get to the happy & holy things. - AV
- 'The Word of God is always most precious to the man who most lives upon it." - Spurgeon

In 2 Samuel, King David had just recovered the Ark of the Covenant and it says that, "David and all the people of Israel were celebrating before the Lord, singing songs and playing all kinds of musical instruments. David sacrificed a bull and a fattened calf. And David danced before the Lord with all his might, wearing a priestly garment. So David and the people of Israel brought up the Ark of the Lord with shouts of joy and the blowing of rams' horns.

But Michal looked at him with contempt. "She said in disgust, "How distinguished the king of Israel looked today, shamelessly exposing himself to the servant girls like any regular person might do."

And here's the kicker. "David retorted, "I was dancing before the Lord..He appointed me as leader of Israel, the people of the Lord, so I celebrate before the Lord. Yes, and I am willing to be even more undignified than this, even to be humiliated in my own eyes!""

In the second half of 2019 I've tasted and seen of the goodness of God and now I'm hooked. I don't know what is in store for us this year but I'll tell you what, 'I will be even more undignified than this.'

Happy New Year!