What I'd Buy for Myself in the After Christmas Sales

If I was shopping for myself this Christmas, this is what I would buy.

I would buy boxes and boxes of beautiful vintage (or new) glass ornaments for my tree so I could have something like this. Oh, and a gigantic tree with the perfect shape to hold them.

I would buy velvet ribbon, in all colors, to wrap all of my Christmas presents. 

I would update Josh's wardrobe and start phasing out the shirts he's been wearing for 10 years. 

And buy him the very specific catchers glove he's been eyeing.

I would buy a new workout outfit, new Everjey lounge pants, and three of Retailcheapskate's outfit ideas. 

Tiny tiny, but thick! gold hoops that I wouldn't have to take off, ever.

A new couch

Airfryer, blender, 

This new-to-me hair tool. 

This Merit make-up, brush, and this hyaluronic serum!

This sure was fun, thank you for humoring me. But y'all, I don't need any of it. I am perfectly content with the bountiful, overflowing, blessings that are already in my home, the tiny humans being number two and Josh, oh boy, I tear up thinking about the gift God has given me through Josh. I couldn't ask for more. 

I've been listening to the Audiobook of The Light in Hidden Places by Sharon Cameron. A book someone recommended to me on Instagram. A book about hiding Jews during WW2. They go years with terrible hardship and the girl hiding them saves up her rations and for Christmas (for her) and Hanukkah (for them) buys canned pears, cigarettes, coffee! and surprises them. The moment is joyous and, although their circumstances stay the same, in that one moment is joy! in that one moment is hope! in that one moment is reprieve. 

None of these gifts, given to myself, would come close to eliciting that same response in me. But a gift given has a different weight doesn't it? Here's to hoping one of my gifts given this year gave someone that momentary but oh-so-important feeling - hope! joy! reprieve!

A wide open space and a thing about Josh

Josh and I did one night away last month together. The first in a long time - and boy was it wonderful. 

We used our points and flew up north, rented a car, and stayed in Yountville. It had everything packed in to 48 hours -  good food, a relaxing time, trying new things, and visiting new places. He finally drove an electric car and I finally rode an electric bike! We laughed, held hands, savored our food, sat for a long time at meals, slept in. It was heaven. 

And then we had a sweet reunion with the rascals. 

Here's a thing about Josh - he is so much more than he seems. People often joke that I'm "tied down" because Josh has set up our credit cards so that every time a purchase is made (his or mine) he gets a ping. Mostly for fraud control. He doesn't use it to control me. He isn't questioning my purchases. And because he does that, I don't have to worry about it - like, at all. 

What looks like control is actual freedom. 

One of his hidden gifts to me is the freedom he gives me to pursue Jesus. I can do it how I want and when, and he just works around it. He doesn't question my process. He doesn't rush me when I'm in the Word. He'll watch or listen to something that touched me, even when he's doing his own study, so that we can have meaningful conversations about it. He isn't embarrassed by my zeal or afraid of my intensity. 

Every response of his to my pursuit of Christ is a display of his great love for me. The wide open space he gives me is a constant fresh breath in a complex life. I cherish this beyond what I can express with words.

Closing out the year grateful for the time with him - and HIM. 

Advents

I'm following a few advents this season. With the kids we always dust off Ann Voscamp's Unwrapping the Greatest Gift, along with a chocolate one my mom brought home from Mississippi and a child's one that the kids love.

For me, I've subscribed to Phylicia Masonheimers advent that sends one email a day - really good. And on the Bible app, I've been so so moved by the Bible Project devotional on advent. This one is my top recommendation so far. I'm left thinking about it the rest of the day. 

There are so many good resources out there. I hope you have found one that draws you to the heart of it! And if you've found one that leaves you thinking about it the rest of the day, please share it with me.

John 8:2-11 - The Adulteress Woman

The last day before December - the start of advent. The kids are counting down in anticipation (Mostly because their grandma bought them lego advent calendars and they are biting at the bit to open them.) But I welcome it because with the promise of mini gifts is the avenue to talking about the Greatest Gift.

We decorated over thanksgiving break. It was special to have both girls join me in the decorating. Seems like they love it as I do and is something the three of us can do together. *cue tears

This year BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) is going through the book of John. Every year I learn so much regardless of which book we are studying. So much about God can only be seen in the nuances of the stories. They aren't the ones talked about in church. It's too much and not enough for a sound bite. The very best of the character of Jesus gets overlooked. But who He is is found in the details!

John 8:1-11 

Jesus' response to the religious leaders who are trying to trap him so they can arrest him. They bring him an adulteress woman and use the laws of Moses to ask what he would do with her. And his famous line, "The one without sin among you should be the first to throw a stone at her." 

But it's his tone that I was taken with. Here are mean and hateful people, in his face, trying to trick him. I would have been hot with righteous anger putting everyone in their place. I would have made them cower in their indignation and humiliated them. But Jesus, with incredible restraint, uses truth to teach, not condemn them or poor out his wrath. I'm struck by the way he left room for them to return to Him. 

When my dad was pastor of our church I can remember going to a funeral and seeing him approach a table of people from our church who didn't like him very much. He knelt down and spoke with each one - extending his hand. That set a fire in me! Later I asked him why he would do that when he knew they didn't like him. I'll never forget what he said. "We always have to leave room for them to return."

When I read this passage in John this story is what I was reminded of. Being in leadership at church now, I too must remind myself to always leave the door open for people to return - to us, to church, to family. A reminder for myself today. 

Criticism v Who We Are in Christ

Being out front invites praise and also criticism.

Some of that criticism is constructive and important for me to receive and to use to be a better steward of this place the Lord has brought me to. But some criticism is just about my personality. 

“too loud”

“too open” 

“too intense” 

“too much” 

These are hurtful. 

For a long time I have felt bound by the constraints of trying to not be “too much” or “too intense”. When I was in graduate school my boss at the time was the first to speak a different narrative to me. He believed my personality, including the intensity and zeal, was a gift and he began the process of honing it. 

The more I’ve learned about the character of God these last few years, the more I’ve been freed from the burden of having to make myself smaller. Galations 1:10 “Am I trying to win the approval of man, or God? Am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people I would not be a servant of Christ.” 

Oh, the attack on my personality still hurts but I have to weigh that against what God speaks over me.

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works! 

My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written every one of them, the days that were formed for me. Psalm 139: 13-16

I have been created for His glory. Isaiah 43:7 

I’m free from the need to please others because I’m just trying to please God. 

Phylicia Masonheimer said it this way: 

“The comments spoken out of insecurity, well intended or not, are daggers of an enemy seeking to destroy our souls. When we let the words of people dictate who we are (or aren't), reacting to and against them, we're simply servants of men.

Like wheat and tares, my God-given personality grew alongside the lies, intermingled and intertwined. It was hard to tell what part of me developed because of the lie and what part was really true to God's design. But as I grew deeper in my walk with Christ, the division became more clear. I began to discern why “You intimidate me” cut so deep, hurt so much. It reaffirmed the lie: You'll never be accepted. You're the problem. Your personality is unlikeable, unwelcome, unwanted.

Our insecurities blind us to the goodness in others; we put ourselves and our own fears at the forefront. Too often we don't see people as they are. We see them as affronts to who we want to be. We view people through the lens of our own lack rather than seeing them as image-bearers of God.”

Jesus changed Simon’s name to Peter in anticipation of the transforming work that Jesus was to do in his life. He changed Saul’s name to Paul. Peter and Paul! 

We also have to put on a new name - given to us through Jesus’s transforming work in our lives. 

Created by God and perfectly formed for our good and His glory. 

The Face of the Lord

We are in the middle of a series about vision at our church. All of it is good, backbone building information, but when it comes down to it, our vision must be the face of the Lord. 

The sum of our lives rests on whether or not our face is ever towards the Lord. 

We work so hard to cultivate a specific image, but what is made by us, must be sustained by us, and will eventually consume us.

We strive so hard to gather our reputation and status among men but what is made by men, must be sustained by men, and will fall at the hands of men. 

But what is produced by God, through us, is eternal. When we are just seeking Him, we don't have to worry about what is produced from our lives. 

Nate Saint, the martyred missionary pilot from Equador, wrote about this very thing. For years he dreamed of becoming a pilot and worked to overcome many obstacles to achieve that dream. But there was one obstacle he could not overcome. Sometime later, after the dream had died, he was approached by a missions organization and asked to repair and fly planes for them. His biography said, "It was beginning to dawn on the young man who had so longed to be an army pilot that the very thing he had been compelled to sacrifice was being returned to him. He summarized his feelings in a letter home: "In 1944 the Lord called me from aviation to himself, and now He has sent me back to aviation for Himself." 

We don't need to be missionaries to receive the same implications for our own lives. 

King Hezekiah is a sobering lesson for us to keep near. Are we going to blow it for the next generation? Couple this with Isaiah 40 and Matthew 3:3. God asks for a shred of obedience in return for a tsunami of blessings. A shred of obedience! God promises to build blessings on the lives of those who love Him and obey Him. If we do our part for one generation, God will do His part for a thousand!

Isaiah 40:28 Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the whole earth. He never becomes faint or weary; there is no limit to His understanding. He gives strength to the faint and strengthens the powerless. 

Jehovah Yahweh! I AM. Self Sufficient. Unchanging.

Everything we have eventually gets worn out, dies, turns to dust, but NOT GOD. He NEVER gets worn out, always strong, always alive, always present. 

Eyes on God. And He will direct our path. He will be our vision. He will sustain us and produce good things through us. 

Always a Miracle, Never an Accident

Today in my stories, I poked fun at my questionable parenting technique which consisted of bribing Abby during soccer. One jelly bean for every high five, pass, and teammate encouragement. No shame here!

I'll readily admit that, as we have grown as parents, we've loosened up a bit when it comes to exercising control of our children's actions. Years in the game has taught me that 1. Kids can't be perfect all the time. What an unrealistic exception and too heavy of a burden to place on their shoulders. 2. We are in it for the long haul and my child's breakdown one day isn't a reflection of who they are going to be nor who I am in my parenting. 

But don't let the loosening up fool you. There is a clear and intentional aim over here to raise our children to know who they are in Christ, learn how to love Jesus and pursue Him on their own, work hard, and to share that love. We'll never master the task. In fact we stumble through the mistakes and land on the ones that work for us. Because they are always growing, we will always be stumbling in the effort. Always a miracle, never an accident. I read that recently from Crossformed kids. 

The work of discipleship is primarily a work of God. Without his miraculous intervention in the lives of our kids, all of our effort, all of our strategies, all of our tactics would be for naught. God himself is our source of hope and help.

But discipleship is also not accidental. The same God who is sovereign over every molecule and every moment calls us as parents to be the primary disciple-makers in the lives of our kids. 

Always a miracle, never an accident.

Earlier this year I came across this poem from Hosanna Wong that used bible verses to say who we are in Christ. This past summer if the kids memorized it, they would be able to pick out a toy. The two older ones did it.

And just last week it came in handy when one of my kids was down on themselves for something in school. The foundation gave me a chance to ask them what Ephesians 2:10 says about how God sees you.

He calls me His masterpiece mommy.

He calls me His art.

He calls me purposed and fashioned for good things. 

YES, child. Who you are is not defined by if you are good at this in school. Thank you God for the chance to speak life this one time. But for every hit, we've also had a miss too. Which is why molding my heart to God's every day has become my very lifeline. I need it. I thirst for it. I am better parent with it. I am missing something when I don't have it - studying His Word, learning about His character, sitting in His presence, pouring out my adoration and my supplications. Scripture has become my life source, my beacon of light. 

I've learned to not wait for the perfect moment to be with Him. My bible is almost always with me so I can pick it up in the transitions - carpool, filling up gas, waiting for the water to boil, stopped at a light, waiting for a doctors appointment, on a plane, at a hotel. And every snippet of His living, breathing heart draws me closer to Him and prepares me better for the parts of the day that aren't perfect- the criticism, the meltdown, the disagreement, the tiredness, the overwhelm.

There was a time I felt guilty for not giving them my time when reading scripture. But I've realized that it's when I don't that I'm short changing them. Not only does it change how I respond and lead them, but it also teaches them, without saying it, what to value and prize. 

Always a miracle, never an accident. 

Summer 2023

The kids started school yesterday. Josh went into work today and this morning is the first the house has been silent and still in a while. Deep breath. Thank you God for this moment. 

Our summer was steady and intentional. It was the first where I wasn't dying at the end and at my wits end. The gift of another year older and me, a little wiser about it. We saved our trips for the end which allowed us to settle into a little daily routine - breakfast, math, reading (summer reading list - two dollars for every book finished), comprehension, get ready for the day, bible and quiet time. The parameters for bible time - everyone in their own room, and bible first for anyone who could read. Abby listened to her Tonie with her headphones and the rest of us opened and read our bibles and spent time with God. Sometimes we'd talk about what we read, sometimes we wouldn't. 

We established Wonder Wednesdays with our cousins where we'd go all over Southern California exploring our corner of the world. We discovered the Cypress Library, bravely tried new foods, hiked to the Griffith Observatory and enjoyed the show. We jumped on a water bus in the Marina and toured the waterways. Found Hawaii quality shave ice. Picnicked in Palos Verdes with a view of Catalina. We also made it a point to go to the beach once a week when we were home. Dads came with us when they could. Swim lessons for all. VBS! Emerson pitched her team to State Championships!

Emerson got her ears pierced, experienced her first pedicure, took a sewing class (and made her own skirt!), and went on a girl's only night away with Aimee and I. She cooked dinner and made desserts. She grew so much in three months. Landon, who had not lost one tooth up to this point, lost 4 this summer.

As a family, we took our first big family vacation to Oahu. We stayed on the North Shore and made the most special of memories - snorkeling with a school of fish, swimming with turtles, chartering a boat and riding with dolphins, learning how to surf. 

Summer is never complete without our annual family fishing trip and it did not disappoint. We ended summer with a few nights in Arizona, the kids did all the water park things and then we headed home.

Thank you, Lord. For all good comes from you.