"The One With 20 Meltdowns"

Emerson loves Landon. She likes to pat his back when he seems upset, always needs to be with him when he's on the playmat, wants to hold his hand and drape her body on his. She tells me when he needs to eat and speaks to him in her mommy voice. She is loving and curious and accepting of him in our house. 

I'm glad she hasn't taken all the upheaval she's experienced these last six weeks out on him. She has, however, kindly directed that energy towards Josh and I. 

I'm putting out a 10-57 for my kind, sweet, and good natured daughter. She's almost two years old, was last seen smiling, and 99.9% of the time a happy person who loves to read books and sit in your lap for no reason. She is adaptable and even keeled.

Please contact us if you see her because we miss that little girl something bad! Josh posted this picture on Instagram the other day. It was the day I've titled, "The One With 20 Meltdowns". 

At the end of the night, when she had finally gone to bed, we both looked at that photo with a yearning so deep, it HAD to be posted ~ if for no reason but to remind us that our girl is still in there...somewhere. :p 

Savoring These Days

I have a new respect for moms with multiple kids that I didn't know I needed. Not that I disrespected them before but I clearly had no idea the magnitude of energy and thought that goes into a simple outing. I thought I understood them when I had one. Oh, the ignorance!

Can you tell that we ventured out of the house today? 

After we got home Josh said he was looking forward to when our children were older and we could go have a full meal at a cheap restaurant. I laughed in a defeated way. Wouldn't you?

Tomorrow my little man is 6 weeks old. His look is changing and I have been desperately trying to remember him in this moment because all too soon it is gone.

You think you'll remember the littleness, their breathing, and the weight on your chest as they sleep. You think their smell stays forever in your mind and the way they cuddle up and sleep on you forever is just a memory away. But the truth is you think you'll remember, but you don't. The passage of time and growth instinctively fade your memory. So for now, I savor every part of him, the big kind eyes, the scrunched face before the cry, the noisyness, the way his hair brushes my lips, and the way he unconsciously rests his arms under his head. I savor it all. 

Tales From The 4am Feed

Landon has been waking up every hour and a half or so to nurse. You'd think I would have adjusted to the routine wake up calls already but apparently I have not.

Last night, around 4am, I heard Landon crying so in my half awake/half asleep stupor I stumbled out of bed. I forgot that my shoes were right by the bedside and I tripped on them. Not fully awake and in the complete dark, I grasped for anything to catch me. Arms flailing, I swiped the nightstand which only served to knock off the baby monitor and my phone, before I crashed into the bookcase and fell in a heap onto the floor. Josh, thinking there had been an earthquake, jumped out of bed and instinctively ran over to check on Landon. It was too dark for him to see me wedged between the wall and the bookcase so I squeaked out a, "Josh, over here.." and after his eyes adjusted to the dark, he saw my slumped form in the corner of the room. Poor guy, totally confused. Today my incision is burning and my arm feels funny. -_- 

All of this to say this is a great sum up of us right now. Last week Emerson's cold turned into a full on fever, and then true to her form, hives showed up. Our ped told us that if Landon gets a fever of 100.4 then we'll have to go to the hospital to get a full work up so we've been working overtime to keep him safe from anything Emerson touched. All I can say about that is easier said than done my friends. -_- We wouldn't have made it if my mother in law hadn't been with us all week and today my mom kindly is here. 

Tomorrow is the true test. First day on my own. I vascillate between complete overconfidence and absolute fear of what the day will hold. 

Most people say that transitioning from one kid to two kids isn't that bad. You are still one-on-one, they reason. The only flaw in that scenario is when you aren't one-on-one, like THE ENTIRE DAY. 

How can two very VERY small people wreck such havoc and rule the world with such iron fists?!

Please text me to see if I'm alive tomorrow. If I haven't responded by end of day, just assume this maiden has been locked in the tower by the conniving siblings and send help asap.

One Month In

Our floor is dirty. When people come over they take their shoes off and I cringe, knowing they are collecting little bits of this and that in their socks and on their feet. 

In my previous life that would have never been the case. The house was always prepared and nicely groomed for visitors and even surprise visitors. Towels were clean, sheets fresh, toilet scrubbed, junk put away - you get the picture. Without realizing it, I prided myself in having it all together, and I would be such a stress case if it wasn't. 

But in this current stage of life there isn't room for outward perfection. People come over and I have no make up on, my hair is three days past a wash, and I'm still in my pj's, since that's the best nursing/post c-section outfit that works. My fridge is a hot mess and my counters are cluttered but never mind that when the rest of the house is much of the same. But at some point, really quickly, you have to learn to get it go, because you just can't. So there goes my pride. But even if I gave off that I had it altogether, did I really? Of course not. So now my outsides just reflect my insides. 

The irony though, is the more my mess is transparent, the more I'm closer to who God wants me to be - honest, less prideful, willing to ask for help, willing to take it. The uglier I think I am, the more beautiful He thinks I am. 

Landon turns one month old tomorrow. What a beginning he has had! To us it seems like he is only a few weeks old because that is how long we have been home with him. It has been a joy finally getting to know his personality. So far I have found that he is sensitive, gentle, a foracious sucker but a little too ambitious with how much milk he takes. He has a hefty cry and doesn't like his diaper changed. He wakes up every one and a half to two hours to nurse and seems to have a lot of gas in his tummy. He loves to be held upright and more often than not has a concerned look on his face, although every once in a while we will catch him smiling in his sleep. Everyone who meets him says he looks like Josh and we couldn't agree more. Heaps of blessings!