Christ in Me

I have been wresting for months now with whether or not to apply for the job I am currently doing as interim. There are many factors, a few being the tangible. I don't play an instrument. I don't have the musical knowledge to be a music director. Can I hang for the long term? Will people be upset if I get picked?

In the last few months God has used people/experiences to take me on a journey during this season. Here are two of them.

A woman from church, who I am friendly with but not someone I hang out with, texted me out of the blue, asking me to apply for the position, and for some reason, probably because Josh and I had been talking about it all day and I had just had a discouraging thing happen, I responded and told her what was on my heart. And then she asked me, "What's the opposite of fear?" GUYS, I had to look it up because I can't remember the last time anyone asked me that. (P.S. Google says it's faith.) I got ready for bed, folded the laundry, laid down, and opened my instagram for a scroll and this is the first thing that popped up. (Click on the picture for clarity.)

I checked and it was posted 4 hours prior. The exact time I had that text conversation.

Then the other day I'm laying out my frustrations to my dad - who is technically my boss. Telling him all of the practical reasons I cannot do this job. THIS hasn't happened. I don't have THIS in place. THIS isn't working. And he responded by telling me that if I feel called to do it, God will work all those things out. Trust in the Lord.

Clearly he didn't hear me.

So I repeated myself. DAD, THIS hasn't happened. He responded, J, trust in the Lord. DAD, I don't have THIS in place. J, trust in the Lord. THIS isn't working. J, trust in the Lord. DAD! J, trust in the Lord.

I wanted to strangle him and scream. Then I came across this post from a Godly gal on insta. Her daughter had a heart transplant last year and since she has become a beacon of wisdom for people.

I've decided to apply for the job because following God's will for my life is more important than all the THIS's. And ultimately, Christ in me can accomplish more for His glory than I ever could because it isn't me who is working. It's just me being obedient.

Christ in me and Christ in YOU too.

As predicted, Landon was torn from my arms yesterday at drop off. Then at pick up he told me he loved school. Kids are so funny. *read 'not funny'

Along with the kids being sick, I've had a few discouraging weeks at work. Last night's practice was a breath of life. 

I recognize the honor it is to carry the burden of others burdens. Not for one second do I take for granted to weight of being trusted with tender hearts. But these past few weeks, I have had my own load to carry around and so I am thankful for the people God has brought into my life during this season, who just do. There are two people at church who have needed nothing from me, shown up when they didn't have to, and who have consistently done a good job. I don't think they'll ever quite comprehend what they have shouldered for me. 

What is God's take on all of this? 

Don't skip the words Christine Caine wrote, "The greatest evidence we can show of our relationship with Jesus is our faithfulness in the things and tasks He has placed in our hands." 

And Ruth Simons, "How we go about doing the next thing has everything to do with what we believe about what we have been given to do and who gives the next breath in which to do it."

May the Love of God fill your every need today and tomorrow. The greatest Valentine there ever was. 

I can't believe it's February. T minus 5 days till Abby turns ONE. Cue the sobs. She's already losing her baby fat and it's so so sad.

Five month Abby 

Eleven month Abby

While I recover from that transition, I need to acknowledge how good the age of 4 is. Specifically, Landon at 4. Oh the glint in his eye!

Landon has been sick so he's been at home with me living his best life lounging all day in his pajamas, watching ridiculous amounts of television, and eating all the snacks. Tomorrow he goes back to the grind - here's to hoping we all survive his transition. :p 

Happy Valentine's Day friends! Josh and I have nothing planned besides me trying to figure out 33 kid Valentines and 2 school parties. I was feeling preeeetty romantic so I sent my love photos of the best  vday cards at target. #win

That is all! Good night!