Loneliness and the Danger of Self-Pity

I had an "aha!" moment this morning when I was doing my BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) work. (Which actually happens more often than you'd think and also less often than you'd think. He always is faithful to mold us at the right time when we plunge into the sea to get to Him. John 21:8) 

I love BSF because it keeps me in the Word every day and at the end of the hw there's a note section that always teaches me something profound. My zoom class meets every week to discuss the answers and to see what the Lord has taught us all. It's not perfect but the ladies in my group are a true gift to me in their exuberant and faithful pursuit of God.

This past year one of my private struggles has been loneliness in ministry. Wild how you can work at a church and feel lonely in pursuit of God. But last week I heard Tim Keller say, in an old leadership class, that one of the great dangers of loneliness in church leadership is self-pity. Immediately I felt validated AND sucker punched. Loneliness in church ministry is common! And yes, I could see how sometimes my loneliness led me to dabble in self-pity, not realizing it at the time but certainly in hindsight it was quite obvious. 

I also see how God has used BSF, a group that is completely separate from my church, a group of women who are just as passionate about pursuing Christ as I am, to help me guard against falling into deep self pity. There I have found likeminded women. There I am not lonely.

It's been there this whole time and I never realized it. YEARS! This wasn't some mistake or coincidence. In His lovingkindness, He knew exactly what sin would use to try and trip me up and unbeknownst to me, was quietly protecting me from my own downfall. I can't imagine all of the ways He has done that in the past and in my present, that I'll never know of.

My God - full of great mercy and love. Thank you for saving me from myself! 

If your instruction had not been my delight, I would have died in my affliction. I will never forget your precepts, for you have given me life through them. I am yours. Psalm 119:92-94

Now to Him who is able to protect you from stumbling and to make you stand in the presence of His glory, without blemish and with great joy, to the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, power, and authority before all time, now and forever. Jude 1:24

Gather the pieces that are leftover. Let nothing be wasted.

We are 4 days post Easter and, true to form, I'm a little under the weather. Truth be told, I always feel somewhat discouraged after some big ministry event, sick or not.

"Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted." John 6:12

That time Jesus fed 5000 with just one boys lunch. "Obediently, and no doubt in continued amazement, the 12 disciples collected exactly 12 baskets of leftovers generated by a mere five barley loaves. All 12 disciples held tangible evidence of Jesus's overflowing provision in their hands. A basket for each disciple visibly attested to Jesus's diving power and care for their needs. He provided an opportunity to trust Him, recognize His provision, and exercise wise stewardship. God calls churches and Christian ministries to do the same." - BSF Study of John

The basket of leftovers we hold may not appear lavish - there's not a bigger house, finer clothes, or tropical vacations in it. But it holds something greater than gold - wisdom, steadfastness, the fortitude to continue, peace with the present, and the righteousness of God which leads to a quiet confidence. He pours out His oil on us. 

And it's not just churches and ministries. He calls all of us to 'gather the pieces that are left over' from our hard places and hurts. Let nothing be wasted!

Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, be steadfast, immovable, always excelling in the Lord's work, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. 1 Corinthians 15:58

We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God - who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

Sunday's Set March 10

A lot of factors go into putting together a worship set for Sunday service - the message, the tempo, the instruments we have and the people we are serving with, the songs the congregation are familiar with, what our community is going through, and always a song that adores Him with no "I' in it, something that gives glory for who He is alone. 

Another aspect that drives me is how God is speaking to me during the week prior in my time with Him. What music has God used to move me personally closer to Him? Using where I am at and what is ministering to me has shifted Sunday from being more of a performance and leading to just my intimate offering to Him - in front of others. Authentic. Heartfelt. Inviting others into my private space with God. 

Anyway, I thought it might be interesting to, every so often, explain the reasoning behind the sets that are presented on Sunday. Sometimes we share why we have put songs together and sometimes we don't. 

This was the context for our music choices:

The night Jesus was betrayed by Judas, the soldiers came to arrest him. And Peter, in defense of his Father, drew his sword and cut the ear off of a soldier. John 18:10

Jesus healed the ear and then told Peter, “put your sword away! Am I not to drink the cup the Father has given me?” The cup he was talking about was the cup of God’s wrath. When Jesus died, the cup of wrath we were all supposed to drink for our sins was, in a moment, exchanged for the cup of salvation. 

The cup of God’s wrath for the cup of salvation! Meaning you and I no longer have to face the judgment we deserve. Our future is dependent, not on our lack of holiness, but on the perfect holiness of God. 

Psalm 116 

How can I repay the Lord for all the good He has done for me? I will take the cup of salvation and call on the Name of the Lord. 

What battles are we trying to fight with human methods and strength (like Peter did in the garden) rather than relinquishing it to the Father? Lord, forgive us for trying to take on a spiritual battle with a human weapon. 

This morning let’s divert the effort and energy given to that battle and instead put it in a more useful place - we call on the name of the Lord. 

The Set 

Authority

I Speak Jesus

Do it Again 

The Steadfast Love of the Lord

LENT - A broken Alleluia

I learned something new (to me) about the practice of Lent. 

Did you know that, dating back to the 13th century, some church denominations have abstained from saying "Alleluia" during the 40 days of Lent? In Hebrew, Alleluia means "Praise God" in a celebratory and joyous way. @littlechapelway (an excellent resource on Lent for kids) said "it is a way we remember with our words that we are in a season of repentance, of turning from and putting to death our sins. There is something poignant about that and yet I think for me, this year, I respectfully break from this symbolic tradition of not saying Alleluia and instead I offer a broken one. 

I will whisper Alleluia through my brokenness and darkness. 

Fully aware of my lack.

Fully aware of my faults.

Fully aware of my mistakes.

Fully aware of my failures. 

And in deep contrast, fully aware of His holiness. 

His glory. 

His grace. 

His love.

In my brokenness, I say through gritted teeth and tear stained cheeks, Alleluia.

I will say it even though

I will say it even if

Alleluia

Church and Haggai

We recently had our annual society meeting at church where we cover the budget from the year previous and approve one for the current year. There was record giving for our little church last year and, while money isn’t everything, it usually is an indication that something good is happening. 

I was reminded of the book of Haggai when God announced, “The final glory of this house will be greater than the first.” 2:9 He was talking about His temple that was in ruins in the city. The temple had been destroyed when the Israelites were conquered and exiled by an enemy. But eventually the Israelites were allowed to return to their homeland, and it was time to rebuild God’s house.

“The final glory of this house will be greater than the first.”I really hope that the glory from our church is greater still to come.

But the promise also comes with a warning. God saw that His people were busy rebuilding their own lives while his house stood in shambles. “…My house still lies in ruins, while each of you is busy with his own house.” 1:9 So on your account I have summoned a drought on all that your hands produce. 1:10-11

God warns: “Think carefully about your ways.” 1:7 because “The silver and gold belong to me.” 2:8

People often talk about serving in the church. And in a small church, it’s all hands-on deck or else it doesn’t happen. Burnout is common. Josh and I have felt this tension as well - trying to faithfully tend to our own house while also serving God’s house. And yes, to finding a balance, but this was a three-fold reminder to me. 

1. God is calling us to build His house.

2. The effort given to God’s house has not been in vain. 

3. Woe to us who’s primary focus is building our own stuff. 

And the reward that comes to those who have the order right?  “I will provide peace in this place.” 2:9 

Lord, may it be so in my family AND in our church. 

Recap 2023

The book that lingers in my mind still - Jungle Pilot, Nate Saint

Most Riveting Audiobook - The Light in Hidden Places, Sharon Cameron

Most Played Album - The Narrow Way, Steffany Gretzinger

Most Impactful Kid's Devotionals

God's Names - Sally Michael (elementary)

A New View from the Zoo - Gary Richmond (mid + upper elementary) This was a true delight for us all!

A Child's Book of Character Building - Ron Coriell (younger elementary)

What worked in my pursuit of God

BSF (Bible Study Fellowship)

Gospel in Life Podcast, Tim Keller messages 

Verity Podcast, Phylicia Masonheimer

The Bible Project Podcast, Tim Mackie

Psalms in 30 Days, Trevin Wax

Rhythms that changed

Taking a step back from volunteering at the kid's school beginning in the fall and it really took the unhurried out of a hurried life. 

Every weekday morning with God in my bible. The book that is my right hand side.

Every weekday workout.

Early to church before practice and before service to sit in silence and prayer. 

Emerson and Landon getting ready for school by themselves.

Josh back in the office 3x a week

Date night every quarter or so

Travel

Most memorable was our first family trip to Oahu.

Most life giving was the overnighter with Josh to Napa.

Most laughter (and tears) was the girls trip to SLO.

Significant Events

Abbys first foray into team sports (soccer)

Emerson took her rec softball team to State. (so. many. games. so. many. weekends.)

Landon and Josh twice a week for bball

piano for the older two

Awana for Landon

Some health diagnosis's

Abby grew up this year. She was Timon in the PS4 production of Lion King and Mary in the Christmas program. She was prepared, poised, and did what she was supposed to when she was supposed to. \

Took Emerson on a girls' overnighter to talk about growing up.

26 Things I Learned About God in 2023

God taught me so much in 2023 through my pursuit of Him - not glib  and random thoughts but truths forged in the fire and written through tears and/or awe. God is His great mercy, still willing to teach me, come alongside me, reveal himself to me. to us. Wow. Here are 26 of them:

1. The KJV got it wrong, the famous saying "Peace on Earth, good will towards men!" is actually translated "Peace towards men, to whom God has good will, on whom His favor rests". Subtle change but major shift in theology. Jesus brought peace WITH God. Peace WITH God. Sheesh! (Tim Keller)

2. Jesus wept - death was not God's original design for us. So when Lazarus died and Jesus wept He was mourning how far we had come from God's original intent for us. (Tim Keller)

3. God is always working for our good and His glory. (Psalm 145:17-21)

4. Just facing the truth won't heal us, it is facing the truth in light of God's truth, that sets us free. (BSF)

5. We won't understand the why until we understand the WHO.

6. Jesus always left room for people to return to Him, even in His dealings with the Pharisees. We, too, must leave room for those who have gone astray or done wrong or turned away, to return. Truth and grace must go hand in hand. (Study of John)

7. When we believe that Jesus' love has overcome death itself, joy becomes reasonable in the darkest of circumstances. (Tim Mackie)

8. We don't want to violate scripture in an effort to defend scripture. (Muddamale)

9. Worship is an offering to the Lord in response to the glory of the Lord. It is a means of articulating our gratitude for who He is and in humility a chance to assume heaven's posture now.

10. We do not seek God's hand, we seek His face. (Phylicia Masonheimer)

11. Legalism replaces a living relationship with a list of rules. We can do this. We can't do that. It's a shortcut to the walk go faith. Why do we do this? Because following rules are the easier route than seeking the quite approval of Jesus. Legalism removes the necessity of a daily relationship with God because we just "have to follow the rules" Legalism drives a wedge between the truth of God and our hearts. (Isaiah 29:13) Satan loves legalism. he loves separating our hearts from the Father. (Genesis 2 & 3)

12. God will bring down anything that isn't giving Him glory. Woah to me. Woah to my family. Woah to my church. 

13. Satisfaction in God is a discipline of the Holy Spirit. (Phylicia Masonheimer)

14. What God has called you to, He will sustain you for in obedience and service to Him (1 Kings 19)

15. God upholds the faithful but frail. (BSF)

16. I'm responsible for the depth of my ministry, God is responsible for the breath of the ministry. (Rick Warren)

17. I am responsible for the obedience. God is responsible for the outcome.

18. If I've got to walk through it, then I am bound and determined that I am going to make the enemy regret that he messed with me. (Lisa Terkeurst)

19. Our vision must be the face of the Lord.

20. If we do our part for one generation, He'll do His for a thousand! (Isaiah 38 & 39) If I am willing to be the link through whom God works to bring greater faithfulness and effectiveness, then my life could affect every generation in your family until He comes. (Beth Moore)

21. No good thing does He withhold. (Psalm 84)

22. It isn't the big events in your life where your character is forged. No, those reveal who you have become. our character is formed in the mundane, day in and day out pursuit of God. (Tim Keller)

23. For the work in the end, as well as the labeling, is all God's. (Elizabeth Elliot)

25. I want to be burned up by others so they can find the Jesus that I have fallen in love with. (Joni Erikson Tada)

26. The Names of God - Elohim, Jehovah Yahweh, El Shaddai, El Elyonm, El Kana, Jehovah El Emeth, Adonai, El Row, Jehovah Shaman, Jehovah Sabbath, Jehovah Jireh, Jehovah Shalom, Jehovah Maginnenu, Jehovah Rohi (Sally Michael)