Being out front invites praise and also criticism.
Some of that criticism is constructive and important for me to receive and to use to be a better steward of this place the Lord has brought me to. But some criticism is just about my personality.
“too loud”
“too open”
“too intense”
“too much”
These are hurtful.
For a long time I have felt bound by the constraints of trying to not be “too much” or “too intense”. When I was in graduate school my boss at the time was the first to speak a different narrative to me. He believed my personality, including the intensity and zeal, was a gift and he began the process of honing it.
The more I’ve learned about the character of God these last few years, the more I’ve been freed from the burden of having to make myself smaller. Galations 1:10 “Am I trying to win the approval of man, or God? Am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people I would not be a servant of Christ.”
Oh, the attack on my personality still hurts but I have to weigh that against what God speaks over me.
For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works!
My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written every one of them, the days that were formed for me. Psalm 139: 13-16
I have been created for His glory. Isaiah 43:7
I’m free from the need to please others because I’m just trying to please God.
Phylicia Masonheimer said it this way:
“The comments spoken out of insecurity, well intended or not, are daggers of an enemy seeking to destroy our souls. When we let the words of people dictate who we are (or aren't), reacting to and against them, we're simply servants of men.
Like wheat and tares, my God-given personality grew alongside the lies, intermingled and intertwined. It was hard to tell what part of me developed because of the lie and what part was really true to God's design. But as I grew deeper in my walk with Christ, the division became more clear. I began to discern why “You intimidate me” cut so deep, hurt so much. It reaffirmed the lie: You'll never be accepted. You're the problem. Your personality is unlikeable, unwelcome, unwanted.
Our insecurities blind us to the goodness in others; we put ourselves and our own fears at the forefront. Too often we don't see people as they are. We see them as affronts to who we want to be. We view people through the lens of our own lack rather than seeing them as image-bearers of God.”
Jesus changed Simon’s name to Peter in anticipation of the transforming work that Jesus was to do in his life. He changed Saul’s name to Paul. Peter and Paul!
We also have to put on a new name - given to us through Jesus’s transforming work in our lives.
Created by God and perfectly formed for our good and His glory.
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