Here, there, and waaaay over there.

Landon rarely gets held by anyone but me. In the mornings, Josh doesn't get to hold him because he needs to get ready for work, and when he does have time, I'm either nursing him or putting him back down for his first nap. When he gets home from work, he takes over with Emerson so I can get Landon ready for bed, nursed, and down for the night. So he misses him there too. The only other people who hold him are our moms, for about an hour or so each week. And that's it. Just the nature of being the second child I suppose. 

I can tell he is getting more and more attached to me and the thought of it both frightens and excites me. 

I was telling my sister the other day that it somewhat saddens me that no one really knows him. There is so much goodness in him to be known! He is truly sweet. He is gentle and sensitive. He is quiet and calm. He is ticklish and loves me to run my hair over his face or my nails over his head. He responds to calm interaction.  And his eyes always give away his feelings. He often looks concerned because he is often concerned! But beyond the worried face that everyone sees, is a beauty that I can't even describe. But you need to spend one on one time with him to see it. 

The second go around I really do see my children and parenting in such a different way. Most of what I worried about the first time, I don't this time, and stuff that never came up the first time, is now what goes around and around my noggin during those mid-night sessions. 

But one thing I have learned for certain, with two there is little time to be anal, exact, or detailed about anything anymore. So you either relax and let go or you go crazy trying to keep going at the pace and style you did when you only had one child. 

Also, my brain is fried. Trying to keep everything going for two little people leaves little room for anything else. What little memory I had prior to Landon, is gone. And what time I had for myself is also gone because someone else always needs something more than you need it too - food, bathing, bathroom, sleep, ... all of it. 

But right around the corner is a day when they will both be more self sufficient and I will miss the innocence of my children, the harmless play, possibly even the childish tantrums. 

I'm not sure how this turned into two posts but what a perfect example of my mind right now...here, there, and way over there! :) 

Mama, out.