I'll Take The Saggy Boobs.

Is anyone else having trouble with blogger's app on the new IOS? -_-

I turned 35 last week and boy do I ever feel 35.

This is not one of those years where I feel significantly younger than my actual age. In fact, I could argue that, physically, I am probably closer to 40. GUYS, IT'S UNBELIEVABLE I never thought it would happen to me but this year my body decided it was time to start heading downhill. Varicose veins, sun spots, an alarming amount of white hair, and the ultimate dread, WEIGHT GAIN. Now that I've started the downward spiral, I will tell all of you youngins that it is absolutely as bad as you think it is. And no, I have nothing against tummy tucks. Face lifts, skin treatments, nose jobs, WHATEVER. And if you happen to see me one day and you have to do a double take, let's just hope the result is more Jane Fonda than Renee Zellweger.

Beyond the physical discrepancies, this birth year really took me on a wild spin. Landon was born and threw my perfectly coordinated life into a tailspin. Besides the typical 4th trimester haze, at times more often than not, I found myself filled with anxiety and overwhelmed by even the simplest of tasks. I thought it would dissipate once I passed the 6 week healing time for the c-section, but it didn't. Small tasks felt larger than life. I felt like I was failing as a mother to Emerson, a mother to Landon, and as a wife to Josh. I could not pull myself together. Some nights I would just cry myself to sleep wondering if I would ever get out of this tornado I felt like I was in. Nothing I was doing was good enough. I was so overwhelmed I was paralyzed.

Post pardum? Isolation? Lack of Exercise? Reality of having two under two? Maybe none and maybe all of it.

When Landon turned 7 months I got my period. That was strange because I was taking a birth control where you weren't supposed to get a period, so I stopped taking the pill. A few days later I noticed I wasn't feeling as crazy. A day after that I felt almost normal again. A week later and I still hadn't experienced those extreme highs and low's. And now, two months later, I haven't gone back down that rabbit hole. Sure, I still am exhausted and feel like I could do more here or work on that over there, but the emotions are a 2 on a scale of 1-10, not a 10. What a relief.

Look, my hormones do not need a Red Bull. They are perfectly capable on their own.

So despite all of the physical changes, I'm just so glad than I'm emotionally back to my old self, which for the sake of my family, is much more important than saggy boobs. (I can hear Josh nodding emphatically, can't you?)

So I begin 35 enjoying my children, laughing with my husband,  thinking of the future, and once again sure footed.