Imperfections

Last Thursday Landon had his hernia operation. I told my sister that the experience was not for the weak of heart. I was so anxious and fearful the night before that I woke up with two cold sores, a pimple, and a headache.

I'll save you the suspense, Landon is just fine. He was awakened early and unable to eat or drink until after his surgery. Hungry, thirsty, and thrown into an unfamiliar situation is usually a recipe for disaster for any adult, let alone a kid, but he handled it well. Smiling and friendly. Waving hello to everyone and saying bye too. He didn't even cry when I put him on the gurney to be wheeled away to the OR.

I learned a lot about him through this. He is resilient and capable. Calm and good natured.

I also learned a lot about me through this. Anxious and fearful.

I don't want my kids to inherit the same anxiousness and fearfulness I struggle with but they will if that is all they see from me. And it is easy to beat myself up as a mom for falling short but I'm not taking the easy path tonight. Instead I put on the armor of God and lay my children at the Throne of Grace asking Him, as always, to fill in for my imperfections.

'Lord, open the eyes and ears of my kids that they might know your presence, see you working, and hear your voice! As they grow, compel them Lord, to follow the leading of your Spirit in every part of their lives.' -pp

And Jesus, may you continue to work in me so that my children will not just see a mom blotted with imperfections but an imperfect mom who desires to grow closer to you, who submits to your authority and leading in my life. Please let that be what they take away from my life.