In the Dark

I used to have bad dreams when I was little. When I'd wake up it would be so dark and quiet and I would be frozen in fear. I can remember trying not to move so I wouldn't make any noise, just in case. I would whisper "mom" or "dad" hoping they would hear me. And inevitably, when they didn't, I would inch my hands up to my ears, cover them, and yell out one of their names. Something about covering my ears made it seem safer*. Whoever heard me would come to my room, tell me it was okay, pray for me, and stay until I fell asleep again.

As I got older the bad dreams became more intense. I would have this one re-occurring dream about falling and this other one where I'm trying to protect Aimee from gunfire but I wasn't able to. Insane right? Once I woke up, I'd have to make sure I was fully awake and concentrating on something else otherwise I'd fall back asleep and my dreams would pick up right where they left off. I would sit there in the dark for a long time till my heart beat would slow down, with my hands over my ears. If it was really bad I would call Josh. A few times he stayed on the phone with me till I fell asleep.

It's been a while since I've had a bad dream. But it happened a few days ago. I dreamed that there were some guys from a gang after me. Some big, menacing black guys with guns. I was living in Scott and Sam's house (Josh's friends in the valley) (hey, it's a dream okay - they're meant to be messed up) and they chased me with a gun. I ended up at a gas station and I thought I had lost them when all of a sudden they appeared on the other side of the car. The doors weren't locked and they were trying to get in and I couldn't get the car to go. As they were getting in the car I finally got the clutch to catch and we jerked forward and they fell out. I parked at a 7-Eleven, and there was a church group there, along with Josh. No one had any idea what was happening, they were just there. I thought I could hide between all the people until the coast was clear. But the bad guys showed up again and chased me around the outside of the 7-Eleven. I ended up back at my house (Scott and Sam's) and my Willis cousins were sitting in the front yard. I was frantic. They said not to worry, they would take care of them. I went inside the house and my Father-In-Law was there eating dinner at the table. I was still frantic. I told him how my Willis cousins may get hurt and he looked at me without a care in the world and told me, "Then don't worry, they'll take care of it." and he went back to eating. I had a sick feeling they didn't know who they were dealing with.

That's when I woke up. My heart was beating so fast and it was dark and quiet. Just like every other time I wanted to cover my ears but I didn't want to make noise so I whispered so lightly, "Josh". He turned to me, half sleeping, and asked what was wrong. I whispered that I had a bad dream. Then he turned and tucked me into him and told me, "You're okay, it was just a dream. You're safe." "You're safe." And he fell back asleep holding me.

I lay there with my eyes opened for a few more minutes. Just like that, I felt safe and protected. I prayed a prayer of thanks to Jesus for giving me a protector on this earth. Someone who would tuck me in and hold me tight and whisper that I was safe. Thank you Jesus.



*I actually still cover my ears in scary movies or intense situations. Not sure why it helps but it does.