In Sickness and in Health

I don't think Josh knew those faithful words would come to pass just 7 months in.

Last Tuesday I was standing in the lobby at the dentist's office. Not just a random dentist mind you, but Josh's dad's cousin who has taken care of Josh's teeth since birth. People I haven't met because we didn't invite them to the wedding ( in my weak defense, we didn't invite any family beyond first cousins). Doing me a huge favor by looking at an aching tooth. Ack.

Anyhow, just standing there while Josh talked fishing and USC with his Uncle and Aunt when I suddenly couldn't stand up. I bent over and then couldn't keep that stance, so I went down to the floor. Josh gave me a quizzical "what are you doing" look. I tried to stand up. I looked up at him and whispered I couldn't.

After that there was no getting out under the radar. Aunty Diane asked what was going on, Uncle Gary was standing by as Josh tried to help me up, but couldn't. I felt like my feet had died. I couldn't move them or put any weight on my legs. Josh dragged me to the waiting room where two unassuming patients were waiting. To which Diane jokingly mentioned this wasn't because of any dentist work. I was so embarrassed I could have died right there. My first time meeting family and my body decides to put a show on!

After Josh pulled the car up, him and Diane practically carried me out and got me in. Weak thank you's and quick apologies and we were on our way. We call my mom (since she has her list of doctors on speed dial) and once we got to her house headed to urgent care where I realized I couldn't get from the car to the wheelchair. Josh counted to three and lifted to which I experienced such excruciating pain in my back that I screamed and began sobbing. Poor Josh. I'll speed up the story - Spinal Disc Herniation L5 - aka slipped disc in my lower back. I guess too much sitting and driving, not enough working out. Shot of a muscle relaxant in my rear and a few prescriptions later and Josh is hauling me back home.

The rest of the week has been a slew of lying down, standing up, trying to walk. I'm not in the mood to check my phone, but it doesn't matter because I can't reach it anyway. Josh has to do everything for me. Help me to the living room, dress me, hold me up while I brush my teeth, help me shower, assist me in going to the bathroom. The first time I showered, I couldn't help the tears from falling. I was embarrassed and ashamed that he had to help me. He wiped them away and told me to stop, it was nothing. Later, I cried my eyes out with my mom.

You know, this was Josh's vacation. He was looking forward to sleeping in, seeing his friends, laughing with family, going out and celebrating, dressing up, and just having fun. My back problem stole it from him and instead gave him the responsibility of caring for my every need. Not one complaint. Not a mention of regret. Just encouragement and love, and care you wouldn't believe. Unmentioned acceptance and love, steadiness and calm. I thought my heart couldn't love him more but through all this, it is deeper and filled with a new level of gratitude. I see the quality of man that I have married.

I still cannot sit. I can walk with my back brace for a bit longer each day. I cannot take any steps, lift anything, pick anything up, or move anything. I cannot drive, go grocery shopping, or clean up our mess. I'm hoping to gain mobility bit by bit sooner rather than later but I have no complaints.

My God, my God, you are Almighty. Creator of Everything!


Although I have no resolutions, there are a few things I've decided to focus on - being a better wife, giving quality, having a good attitude - especially when I am tired, and lastly, to give Jesus more of my time and energy.

Happy New Year friends. This past year has been one of celebration and occasion. Praying this year brings a bit of steadiness but mostly, that Jesus would be glorified more in me and in you.